Rare is the day when you can say you have experience the machinations
of a true life guru. Well, with the works of one Homer J. Simpson, you
certainly can. The fact that he is an animated person does not lesson
the greaterr, lessons he has given us:
Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important
to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden,
Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars
we don't live in Paraguay!
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they
taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like
ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It
cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner!
Except this guy.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator
biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was
hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually
harrassing that woman.
We'll die together, like a father and son should.
