They say life tends to balance out, but some days can really seem to
take the wind out of your sails. If you find yourself stressed out or
taking life way to seriously, a good laugh can make all the difference
so read on my friend.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - Mitch Ratcliffe
For the man who has everything... Penicillin. - F. Borquin
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we
really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - Russell
Baker
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But
this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. - Anonymous
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened. - Douglas Adams
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help
section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. -
Dennis Miller
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that
will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good
idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. - Homer J.
Simpson
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men
with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. -
Albert Einstein
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein
There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them. - Terry Pratchett
Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four
adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous
